A post after 3 years

Bloody Hell

It's Stupid, It's been like 3 years since I wrote anything here, but I guess almost every blog written must have a few lazy writers now and then.

No one reads my blog

So why should I care?

But I have to write

What if I DIE Some DAY and everyone never knew how I really felt?

So I need to blog. They say nothing is private on a blog, but if you consider the number of blogs going around and the insignificance of mine,PLUS the fact that almost none of my friends don't know about this blog, then yes, I assume that it is, very private.

THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME

Friends unfortunately, are unwelcome. So is family.

Not Here

There are deep reccesecs in my thoughts that I don't want other people finding out about.

If I wanted to have the whole world know about MY life, I'd become famous and then let the tabloids do all the filthy work.

BUT

I do want people I do not know to find out how I think.

AND

It's my little way of leaving my mark on the world, no matter how small and insignificant.

Morning

I just woke up and now I'm getting ready to go back home, actually, I'm already ready and I'm waiting for my roomate to get ready. He's giving me a ride to the ferry later on, after breakfast. He's almost dont, so I'll make end this fast.

The night was uneventful, just deep, dreamless sleep, interrupted by the phone alarm. Got up, had a cigarrete, then went to take a bath. Later, I surfed the net, looking for pictures of the Ducati Monster, my dream bike. Amazing. But more later, now, it's breakfast.

2.34 am

Friday night. And I'm not going out.

Sad.

I'm really tired, got up early this morning for class then to meet my girlfriend. I'm just so tired right now. So, so tired.

In every way.

My body is tired, but not so much as my mind, it's been running every day, thoughts going through my head like bullets, tearing it apart. And then my brain heals again,

to be ripped to shreds.

again.

And again.

And again.

Can't sleep, I honestly don't know why. Hell, the problem's back again.

Need to get sleeping pills.

It used to be alcohol that got me to sleep, but since I stopped-

Forget it.

Life without drink is better.

Clearer.

I'll try to get some sleep.

Somehow.

I'll just see what I can do, for the time being. Have to travel back home tomorrow. I wish i didn't have to go back for the weekends. Unfotunately, certain circumstances prevent me from accomplishing this.

Fuck.

Too Tired for a Title

Black's too common. It's everywhere, the goths use it in their makeup, the punk rockers wear it in their underwear and then everyone else thinks it's cool. I have a few black shirts myself. Why black? Why not green? Purple? Brown? Yellow? I don't really know why. I'm just some tired idiot who needs a cigarette trying to pass his time.

White's too common. It's everywhere, the models use it in their makeup, the punk rockers wear it in their underwear and then everyone else thinks it's cool. I have a few white shirts myself. Why white? Why not green? Purple? Brown? Yellow? I don't really know why. I'm just some tired idiot who needs a cigarette trying to pass his time.

I need to find better things to do with my time.

Like cliff jumping.

At least cliff jumping's fun, and you won't really have to feel suckish and hurt at the end.

Just Splat.

But I don't really see any cliff jumping in my future. Don't really think I'll do it. Like I said, I'm just some asshole talking Fuck. Who needs a cigarette. Bad.

Oh yeah, almost forgot-Gotta introduce myself.

I'm tired. All the time. Always have bags under my eyes.

And the HEADACHES.

EVERY DAY.

But i learned to live with it.

Have been for months. Since I stopped the alcohol consumption. But I'm not gonna start again.

Never

in my life am i going through the hell i went through.

A love affair with the Devil.

No, it took too much effort to let it all go away.

Now, I'm a pretty relaxed guy. Everyone says that. The world could end and I'll still be sitting down on my chair with the words Don't Give A Fuck printed on my forehead. But I do get jealous. My girlfriend has so many guy friends even I can't keep track of them. And almost all of them want to Fuck her. La, at least I'm the only one doing that. I keep quiet, everytime she stops to say hi or talk to a guy friend, but if I don't know him, some small ALMOST insignificant voice inside is telling me to be jealous.

But I'm a calm guy. No action unless necessary. Think First. Do later.

Much, much, later.

Sometimes in life you'll meet people who'll make you want to shout at them and choke them.

I don't believe in shouting. At most, I'll raise my voice, but nothing more.

If I shout at them, all they'll hear is the volume. And if i choke them? Then how're they gonna explain to me whatever they need to explain?

Enough for now. Nicotine calls to me.

Smoke

Maybe another time. Get my nicotine fix before I put up another post. Unfortunately I'm always too spontaneous.

Need to change.

Another Time.